TANYA KIM: HEY, I'M TANYA KIM FROM ETALK DAILY.
I'M HERE WITH KEVIN SMITH
AND HIS COSTAR JASON MEWES...
TELL ME WHAT A GREAT GUY I AM,
'CAUSE I HAVE TWO TICKETS
TO THE PARTY OF THE YEAR.
CHECK IT OUT.
WHO DID YOU STEAL THOSE FROM?
I WAS INVITED.
I WORKED ON THE MOVIE, REMEMBER?
AND I WAS GOING TO ASK YOU TO BE MY PLUS ONE.
TOO BAD GOING WITH YOU IS A MINUS 20.
LEXI...
'KAY, LET'S RAISE HELL TOGETHER
LIKE WE USED TO, HUH?
I'M GOING WITH PAIGE MICHELCHUCK.
YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
THE QUEEN OF DEGRASSI IS TAKING THE QUEEN OF THE TRAILER PARK
TO THE PREMIERE?
I PREFER TO BE KNOWN AS "QUEEN OF DON'T NEED JAY,
AND NEVER DID".
TANYA KIM: HEY, ARE YOU GUYS HAPPY TO BE BACK IN CANADA?
KEVIN SMITH: I AM INSANELY HAPPY TO BE BACK IN CANADA.
CANADA - THE MOTHER LAND;
TORONTO - CRADLE OF CIVILIZATION.
TORONTO IS WHERE THEY HAVE THAT POUTINE CRAP
THAT LUNCHBOX LOVES SO MUCH.
REALLY SIR, IN FRONT OF EVERYBODY.
JASON MEWES: YO, YO LISTEN...
HE CHOSE A TORONTO PREMIERE OVER L.A. PREMIERE
BASED ON FOOD.
♪ Whatever it takes
♪ I know I can make it through
♪ If I hold out
♪ I know I can make it through
♪ Be the best
♪ Be the best I can
♪ And I say to you
♪ Whatever it takes
♪ I know I can make it
♪ I know I can make it through
TANYA KIM: [GIGGLING]
TORONTO IS WHERE WE CAST THE FLICK;
TORONTO IS WHERE WE SHOT THE FLICK.
KEVIN SMITH IS BEING INTERVIEWED RIGHT THERE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK HE'S SAYING?
THAT TONIGHT WILL BE THE GREATEST,
MOST MAGICAL MOVIE PREMIERE EVER?
IT BETTER BE!
IT'S NOT EVERY NIGHT WE GET TO HAVE
OUR PROFESSIONAL ACTING DEBUT.
YEAH, OR HAVE MY MUSIC FEATURED
IN BIG, HOLLYWOOD MOVIE.
WHICH IS WHY WE'RE ALL GOING FIRST CLASS TONIGHT.
I'M TALKING STRETCH LIMOS...
YOU GUYS GOT A LIMO?
DIBS ON STICKING MY HEAD OUT THE SUN ROOF.
I AM COMING, RIGHT PAIGE?
I'M SORRY, HON,
THEY ONLY GAVE ME TWO TICKETS...
AND I'M TAKING HAZEL.
PLEASE, AS IF WE WERE GOING TO BRING HER.
OUR LIMO'S A SKANK-FREE ZONE.
DID YOU JUST SKANKIFY MY FRIEND?
FRIEND?
MORE LIKE PET PROJECT.
JEALOUS MUCH?
NO.
I JUST DON'T GET WHY YOU HANG OUT WITH HER.
FUNNY, I WAS JUST ASKING MYSELF THE SAME THING ABOUT YOU.
ENJOY THE LIMO.
I'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT THE MOVIE.
ALEX!
WAIT!
"YOU WANNA GO TO THE PREMIERE?" YOU SAID THAT.
THAT'S AN INVITATION.
IT WAS REALLY MORE OF AN OBSERVATION.
LIKE, "YOU WANNA GO TO THE PREMIERE?"
I THOUGHT YOU WERE SERIOUS.
WHATEVER. I'M OUTTA HERE.
I'M NOT STANDING FOR YOUR WHOLE
I'M ALEX,
I'M-GONNA-IGNORE- EVERYONE-FOR-A-WEEK ACT.
SO I WANTED TO GO TO A PREMIERE ONCE IN MY LIFE.
CRUCIFY ME.
PETER: GRAB A BOOK OR SOMETHING.
PEOPLE SEE US,
THEY'LL DEFINITELY START TO WONDER.
PETER: WHO CARES?
I HAVE TICKETS TO THE PARTY OF THE YEAR.
THANK YOU, MOM.
[SIGHS]
I'M WARNING YOU.
MAJOR DEVASTATION IF YOU LET ME DOWN.
WHAT IF I LET YOU DOWN EASY?
I ALREADY HAVE A DATE...
WITH MY STEP-DAD.
MOM HAS TO STAY HOME WITH MY LITTLE BROTHER.
THING IS, MANNY'S IN THE MOVIE.
SHE'S GONNA BE THERE SO...
YEAH. NO TALKING, NO TOUCHING,
NO LOOKING AT EACH OTHER.
I KNOW THE DRILL.
JUST BEING UNDER THE SAME ROOF AS YOU TONIGHT
IS GONNA BE ENOUGH FOR ME.
[SCHOOL BELL RINGS]
[SIGHS]
KEVIN. JASON.
I'D LIKE YOU BOTH TO MEET
ONE OF DEGRASSI'S FINEST TEACHERS,
ARCHIE SIMPSON.
KEVIN: RIGHT ON, SIR.
WOW. WOW.
I'M SUCH A BIG FAN.
"JAY AND SILENT BOB STRIKE BACK"
IS ONE OF MY FAVOURITE MOVIES.
KEVIN: THANKS MAN.
MR. SMITH?
KEVIN?
KEV.
AS I LIVE AND BREATHE, PAIGE MICHALTON!
HOW ARE YOU?
UH...MICHALCHUK.
MICHALCHUK. YOU KNOW WHAT? MY BAD.
WE JUST ALWAYS CALLED YOU THE BUSTED LEG GIRL SO...
NOT ANYMORE.
THESE WILL BE THE LEAST BROKENEST GAMS
ON YOUR RED CARPET!
I'M SORRY, DID YOU JUST SAY GAMS?
WHAT 21ST CENTURY TEENAGER
STILL USES THE TERM GAMS?
THE KIND WHO NEEDS ONE MORE TICKET
TO THE PREMIERE TONIGHT.
COULD YOU SPARE A TEENSY WEENSY EXTRA GOLDEN TICKET, MR. SMITH?
PLEASE? FOR MY FRIEND?
GOD, YOU'RE WORKING ME HARD, AREN'T YOU?
JUST LIKE A WOMAN.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAPPEN TO HAVE ONE OF THOSE
TEENSY WEENSY TICKETS RIGHT HERE
AND IT COULD BE YOURS IF...
YOU SAY "ABOUT".
MR. SMITH...
COME ON, YOU KNOW I LOVE IT. LET ME HEAR IT.
ABOOT.
MMM. I MELT.
THAT'S JUST SO CUTE.
YOU EARNED THIS.
JUST DON'T LET ME SEE IT UP ON EBAY,
OR ELSE I'M GOING TO CUT YOU OUT OF THE SEQUEL, TOO.
I CAN'T THANK...
UM "TOO"?
YEAH.
PAIGE, UH...
WE HAD TO TRIM YOUR PART DOWN A LITTLE BIT.
SO...
AND WHEN I SAY A LITTLE BIT I MEAN...
COMPLETELY.
WAS I THAT BAD?!
AND UNAWARE OF MY BADNESS?
NO, NO, HON. YOU WERE GREAT.
BUT IT'S JUST IN THE COURSE OF CUTTING A MOVIE
STUFF, YOU KNOW, HITS THE EDITING ROOM FLOOR.
WHEN I WAS DOING "JERSEY GIRL",
I CUT J-LO OUT OF HALF THE MOVE.
AFFLECK, I WANTED TO CUT HIM OUT ENTIRELY
BUT THEN THAT JUST WOULD'VE LEFT THAT LITTLE KID,
I DIDN'T SEE "JERSEY GIRL".
REALLY.
WELL NOW I'M REALLY GLAD I CUT YOU OUT OF MY MOVIE.
I'M JUST KIDDING. YOU KNOW WHAT?
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE STILL GONNA COME TO THE PREMIERE.
YEAH.
GOOD.
EVERYONE'S GONNA BE THERE. WHO DO YOU THINK'S GONNA BE THERE?
CRAIG: YOU THINK SO?
DO YOU THINK ALANIS IS GOING TO BE THERE?
HERE.
AND BRING A GUEST.
KEVIN CUT ME OUT OF THE MOVIE.
HENCE, I'M NOT GOING.
SO WHAT, YOU'RE JUST GONNA SIT AT HOME?
I WAS THINKING OF LYING, ACTUALLY...
IN BED, WITH ICE CREAM.
UH-UH.
YOU'RE GOING.
THIS ISN'T DEBATABLE.
PAIGE, IT'S NOT LIKE ACTRESS IS PART OF YOUR TEN-YEAR-PLAN.
NEITHER IS HUMILIATION.
ME AND YOU ARE HITTING THAT RED CARPET TONIGHT,
AND WE'RE GONNA MAKE KEVIN
SO REGRET CUTTING YOU OUT OF THAT FILM
'CAUSE WE ARE GOING TO LOOK HOT.
AND I DON'T MEAN UP-DO, PEARLS, PINK PROM DRESS HOT.
I MEAN "HOT" HOT.
[ROCK MUSIC BEGINS]
AND YOU CUT HER OUT OF THE MOVIE.
JACKASS.
SIMPSON: HEY, JUST IN CASE YOU DIDN'T KNOW,
YOU LOOK BEAUTIFUL TONIGHT, EM.
FEMALE ANNOUNCER: THIS ACTRESS WAS 19
WHEN SHE GOT HER FIRST NOMINATION
FOR BEST ACTRESS IN A FEATURE FILM.
WHO WAS SHE?
SO THIS IS THE PART
WHEN EVERYONE GETS TO SEE ME CUT FROM THE MOVIE.
THIS IS THE PART WHERE YOU SIT BACK AND ENJOY
BEING HERE WITH ME.
[MOVIE MUSIC BEGINS]
YOU BOYS ARE TOO BLOODY STUPID
TO MAKE THE GRADE DOWN IN THE STATES
AND YOUR LAST HOPE IS THE SCHOOL SYSTEM
OF THE GREAT WHITE NORTH, EH?
YOU WANT TO GET OOT OF GRADE 12?
YOU BETTER START LEARNING
WHAT THE METRIC SYSTEM'S ALL ABOOT!
AUDIENCE: [CHUCKLING]
JASON: I'VE GOT THREE WORDS FOR YOU:
GOT TO...
SIR!
THERE WILL BE NO MORE CUSS WORDS OUT OT YOU
YOU POTTY-MOUTHED, MALLRAT.
YOU'RE GONNA LEARN THE DUAL LANGUAGES
OF MY HOME A NATIVE LAND,
AND YOU'RE GONNA SAVOUR MY POUTINE!
'CAUSE YOU'RE IN CANADA NOW, EH?
[CHUCKLING]
JAY, WHEN I WAS BORN,
STAR WARS HAD ALREADY BEEN OUT ON VIDEO FOR TEN WHOLE YEARS.
YOU'RE TOO OLD.
EVEN THOUGH THERE'S LAWS TO PREVENT IT,
I'M GOING TO MARRY APPOLONIA.
SHE'S THE SUGAR IN MY MAPLE;
CHEESE IN MY POUTINE;
THE BACK IN MY BACON.
THE "ICK" IN PATHETIC.
[APPLAUSE]
ALEX: WHO KNEW MANNY COULD ACTUALLY ACT?
AND CRAIG'S SONG? FULL-ON ROCKED.
PAIGE: YOU'RE SOUNDING SUSPICIOUSLY UPBEAT.
ARE YOU SURE YOU'RE OKAY?
ALEX: IT'S A HOLLYWOOD PREMIERE!
SUE ME FOR GETTING CAUGHT UP IN IT.
WELL, THE ONLY THING I'M CATCHING
IS A CAB RIDE HOME
FOR MY HOT DATE WITH BEN AND JERRY.
ALEX: WHAT KIND OF FRIEND WOULD I BE
IF I LET YOU BAIL ON THE HOTTEST PARTY EVER?
THIS IS THE AFTER PARTY?
THIS IS THE KIDDIE VERSION.
THE REAL PARTY IS THROUGH THOSE DOORS.
AND IT'S INVITATION-ONLY, STRICTLY VIP.
ALEX: AND SO ABOUT TO BE CRASHED.
YOU REALLY THINK HE'S GONNA LET YOU IN?
TOBY: I'M A CLOSE, PERSONAL FRIEND OF KEVIN,
AND IF HE FINDS OUT THAT YOU DIDN'T LET US IN?
YOU'RE GOING TO BE IN BIG TROUBLE, PAL. HUGE!
UH... I CAN MOVE MYSELF.
THANKS.
HEY. YOU WERE GREAT IN THE MOVIE.
YEAH. ALL FIVE LINES.
WELL, THEY WERE A GREAT FIVE LINES.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IT'S VODKA. I'LL ONLY POUR HALF.
DON'T.
IF YOU GET CAUGHT, YOU'LL BE STUCK IN DETENTION FOR WEEKS
AND THEN I'LL NEVER GET TO SEE YOU.
WELL, YOU CAN SEE ME TONIGHT.
MAYBE SOME PLACE QUIET AND SECLUDED?
THEATRE LOBBY. 30 MINUTES.
MANNY!
HEY...
EMMA: YOU WERE AMAZING!
REALLY? YOU THINK SO?
DID YOU STAY UNTIL THE END TO HEAR CRAIG'S SONG?
EMMA: OF COURSE!
LET'S TOAST TO DEGRASSI'S CELEBRITY COUPLE!
I DID MAKEUP ON THE MOVIE. DO YOU MIND IF I CUT THROUGH?
NICE TRY, GIRLIE.
SORRY I'M LATE.
SOME JERK BLOCKED ME IN AT THE STRIP CLUB, AGAIN.
THE SIGN CLEARLY SAYS "EMPLOYEE PARKING ONLY".
OH, SWEETIE,
I HOPE YOU DIDN'T TIRE YOURSELF OUT AT WORK.
YOU PROMISED ME SOME HOT DANCING.
ALL RIGHT, IN YOU GO.
MARCO: WHAT?!
PAIGE: I CAN'T BELIEVE THE BOUNCER ACTUALLY FELL FOR THAT!
ARE YOU KIDDING?
WE'RE A COUPLE OF HOT CHICKS.
OF COURSE HE WAS GONNA FALL FOR THAT.
JAY: LADIES.
EW, VIP DOES NOT STAND FOR VASTLY ICKY POSER.
WHAT'RE YOU DOING HERE?
THAT'S MY BOY MICKEY RIGHT THERE. HEY.
HE WORKED SECURITY ON THE MOVIE.
WELL, I SAW YOUR LITTLE GIRL-ON-GIRL PDA.
IS THAT WHY YOU DUMPED ME?
ALEX: RIGHT.
HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH YOU HOOKING UP WITH EVERY SKANK IN THE RAVINE.
AH... AND YOU'RE TRYING TO GET BACK AT ME
BY HOOKING UP WITH EVERY SKANK HERE.
YOU DO NOT CALL HER THAT, EVER.
PAIGE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO DANCE WITH ME?
LOVE TO.
REMIND ME TO TELL YOU
HOW MUCH I LIKE YOUR NAUGHTY SIDE.
CONSIDER YOURSELF REMINDED.
[VACUUM STARTS]
LET'S GO.
[SOUND OF SOMEONE KISSING]
THERE'S SOMEBODY IN HERE WITH US.
THIS IS UNBELIEVABLE!
THEY'RE UPSTAGING US AT OUR OWN PREMIERE,
THESE CHICKS.
WHY AREN'T YOU AND I OUT THERE,
DOING SOME KINDA EROTICALLY CHARGED DANCE ROUTINE?
WE CAN, MAN. LET'S DO IT!
IT WAS A RHETORICAL QUESTION.
DUDE, DON'T CALL 'EM RHETORICAL,
THAT'S MEAN.
YOU'RE RHETORICAL.
I NEED TO GO IN THERE AND FACE THEM.
PETER: DON'T.
HE'S MARRIED TO MY MOTHER
AND HE'S IN THE THEATRE NECKING WITH YOURS.
RUNNING IN THERE WON'T FIX ANYTHING.
HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
I JUST DO, OKAY?
YOU DON'T WANT TO DO ANYTHING TILL YOU'VE CALMED DOWN.
YOU'LL REGRET IT.
BELIEVE ME.
I HAVE TO GO.
EVER FEEL DRUNK WITHOUT DRINKING?
IS THAT WHY YOUR SHOES WENT AWOL?
THEY WERE PINCHY.
I'M GONNA GET SOME WATER.
I'LL GO GET YOU SOME.
HI!
SO, THIS NEW LESBIAN THING YOU GOT GOING ON...
I LIKE TO WATCH.
I LIKE TO PUNCH. DREAM ON.
LEXI... LEXI, COME ON.
WHY WEREN'T YOU THIS ADVENTUROUS
WHILE WE WERE DATING, HUH?
WE COULD'VE HAD FUN.
YOU'RE DISGUSTING.
OH, AND YOU?
PUTTING ON A SHOW FOR EVERYONE?
[CHUCKLES]
YOU KNOW, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK
TONIGHT IS ABOUT YOU, ANYWAYS?
IT'S NOT. IT'S ABOUT HER.
HERE.
THANK YOU.
LET ME WALK YOU HOME.
BUT MY SHOES!
BAREFOOT SUITS YOU.
AND BESIDES, MY PLACE IS ON THE WAY.
MY MOM AND HER BOYFRIEND ARE HOME
SO JUST WAIT BY THE DOOR.
OH, BUT I'M THIRSTY.
CAN'T I JUST GET A DRINK OF WATER?
NO. I'M GRABBING SHOES
AND THEN WE'RE OUTTA HERE, IMMEDIATELY.
EMILY: LEXI?
HEY.
WHO'S YOUR FRIEND?
ALEX: NEVERMIND, MOM. JUST GRABBING SHOES.
HI, MS. NUNEZ. I'M PAIGE.
PAIGE...
THE PAIGE?
I FEEL LIKE I'M IN THE PRESENCE OF ROYALTY.
YOU KNOW THAT LEXI
NEVER STOPS TALKING ABOUT YOU!
PAIGE: REALLY? LITTLE OL' ME?
MOM, WHERE'S CHAD?
OH, HE PASSED OUT HOURS AGO.
COME SIT.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING, DARLING?
PAIGE: YEAH. DIET ANYTHING, PLEASE.
ALEX: PAIGE, WE HAVE TO GO.
WOULD YOU HOLD YOUR HORSES, LEXI,
AND JUST LET THE GIRL SIT AWHILE!
BE A GOOD HOSTESS AND GET HER A DRINK, EH.
LOOKS LIKE THE PARTY'S JUST GETTING STARTED, MS. NUNEZ.
PLEASE, CALL ME EMILY.
EMILY. OKAY.
SO WHAT WAS LEXI LIKE AS A GIRL?
YOU KNOW WHAT? I CAN'T REMEMBER.
[LAUGHING]
I'M KIDDING.
LEX, I'M KIDDING.
I'M JUST KIDDING, HON.
EMMA, WHAT'S GOING ON?
I'M MAKING TEA AGAIN.
AND CRYING AGAIN.
I LEFT SOMETHING IN THE THEATRE,
SO I WENT BACK IN TO GET IT
AND THAT'S WHEN I SAW YOU AND HER.
MS. HATZILAKOS.
WHAT?
WE-WE WERE JUST TALKING.
SNAKE, I SAW YOU KISS HER.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
IT JUST SORT OF HAPPENED, YOU KNOW.
IT WAS SUCH A MISTAKE.
SO YOU STICK YOUR TONGUE DOWN THE PRINCIPAL'S THROAT
BY ACCIDENT?
EMMA, QUIET PLEASE.
YOU GONNA WAKE YOUR MOM.
BUT WHY?
DID YOU THINK IT WOULD BE FUN?
DID YOU GET TO THE PARTY
AND WANT TO ACT LIKE A TEENAGER AGAIN?
JUST GIVE ME A REASON, DAD. PLEASE.
HAVE YOU EVER DONE SOMETHING YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
WITH SOMEONE YOU WEREN'T SUPPOSED TO BE WITH?
EMMA, I'M SO ASHAMED.
I WON'T BLAME YOU
IF YOU NEVER WANT TO SPEAK TO ME AGAIN.
IT'S NOT ABOUT ME.
IT'S ABOUT MOM,
AND WHETHER I'M GONNA TELL HER WHAT I SAW.
YOUR MOM GO TO BED?
ALEX: YEAH.
SHE SAID TO SAY GOODNIGHT.
SHE'S NICE.
LIKE MOTHER, LIKE DAUGHTER.
TONIGHT WAS GOOD.
YOU'RE MY LUCKY CHARM.
TONIGHT WAS GOOD.
PAIGE?
ABOUT BEFORE...
WHEN WE WERE DANCING?
WHAT ABOUT IT?
WE WERE JUST HAVING FUN.
NO BIG DEAL, RIGHT?
EMILY: WHAT DO YOU MEAN YOU SPENT IT ALL?!
CHAD: I MEAN I SPENT IT ALL!
EMILY: WHAT? HOW COULD YOU BE SO STUPID, CHAD?!
I'M WALKING YOU HOME NOW. GO!
CHAD: DON'T EVER CALL ME STUPID!
EMILY: WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
THAT'S IT, I'M OUT OF HERE!
CHAD, NO! WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
ALEX: WILL YOU STOP IT?!
WILL YOU HOLD STILL? I'M TRYING TO HELP.
BEING HERE IN YOUR ROOM,
THIS HELPS.
IT'S QUIET.
NO SCREAMING, NO SMASHING.
NOBODY SHOULD HAVE TO DEAL WITH DRAMA
OF THE SHOVED-OVER- THE-END TABLE VARIETY,
DAY IN, DAY OUT.
EVEN ME?
ESPECIALLY YOU.
PAIGE, I'M IN TROUBLE.
THIS ISN'T RELATED TO ANY TABLE COLLISIONS
THAT HAPPENED TONIGHT.
IT'S A DIFFERENT KIND OF TROUBLE.
UM...
OKAY, UH...
SPEAKING OF TROUBLE UH...
OR NOT TROUBLE UM...
UH YOU... YOU SHOULD TAKE MY BED,
AND I'M GONNA- I'M GONNA SLEEP DOWNSTAIRS
ON THE COUCH.
PAIGE?
NIGHTY-NIGHT THEN!